My mind is on over load as per usual. I sometimes sit and think wow I’m 30 and what do I have to show for it? No, I don’t feel sorry for myself. If anything I feel sad some days; it does not matter if it has been 8 months or 8 days. I am still adjusting to my new “normal”, I enjoy living with people again that’s a plus, I do miss having my go to person that is for sure!
I wonder when the day will be when I wake up and don’t ache even a little bit? or when I’ll listen to a song and not see those memories. If that does not come that’s okay too, I loved my life and will continue to love my new life. Today I was told I have endless possibilities and I can do what I want, I can now re create my life; from the outside I can see how that could be awesome and you know what it is in some ways. I have ideas of what I do want to do in the near future, I also know If I can stop thinking “what if” or “I miss this” it will be easier for me to embrace this journey.
Thirty years old, the big 30; so much ahead of me, new friendships growing, traveling solo, personal training, finding and searching for my beauty & becoming the best Nicholle I can be. This means taking care of myself, learning how to love myself ( which I don’t know if anyone else finds that hard), learning to see myself beyond my flaws. Yes I am thicker than I use to be, yes I have hormonal acne like a pubescent teen, yes I long to have hair that can air dry and not look like I stuck my hand in a socket but I am learning to embrace what I have and change what I can.
I’ll be a God mommy soon to my little Royce & I need to be a healthy, awesome aunt! That is mind, body and soul all three attributes make a human what they are. I thank God he got me this far and the unknown is scary but I know I am not alone.