Writing to you all from the beautiful Orange Beach,AL on a vacation with my grammy and brother. In the past few weeks I moved from NY to SC, had company for a week, witnessed my sister get married to one of the best men I know and now went on vacation. It has been a busy but awesome transition thus far. Upon moving I knew I was going to be more true to myself, be honest with myself and those around me no matter what.
I promised myself back in 2019 when shit hit the fan that I would not open myself up to hurt again, but me being me I did. If anything this past year has taught me that I have way to much love to give people in this world and I cannot let what happened to me make me hard and closed off. Some may say that is a curse and you’d be right, some days I wish and pray I’ll never love again and then there are days I see a couple together and in love and I’m like ” one day”. The truth is I made this move to change my life and become an even better version of myself then I thought possible.
This also means I had to and will continue evaluating who is in a 2 way relationship with me, I will no longer be invested in one sided relationships, no matter who you are. It is not easy but if I want to be better I need true people in my circle. I am beyond grateful to have moved 3 minutes down the road from two of my favorite humans plus baby Royce. They have provided me with such joy in the last two weeks and the whole family took me in as one of their own, and that alone means the world to me.
From March 2019-now I have been on a journey to know who “Nicholle” is solo. If I am honest with myself and you all, I wasn’t always “alone” I found outlets to forget my pain and loneliness. In the end it didn’t help me,instead I found myself attached and even more lonely then I was to begin with. Now I have nothing but time to focus on myself, my new job and this new chapter. I’ve had a lot more tears on this new journey then I had hoped for but its a new cleansing process and I have to allow myself to feel everything and anything.
I am thankful that I realized I am open to new possibilities but also that I need to love myself 100% to be happy, and it is no one else’s job to fill that void but my own. I kicked 2019’s ass and 2020 made moves I didn’t think was in me to make. I am damn proud of myself & eternally grateful to those who have been along for the ride with me.