Guess who’s back, back again Colies back tell a friend… okay I digress now
Its been a little while since I last wrote, lately I have been doing a lot of reflection and what it means to be kind to oneself. We can get so wrapped into being a certain way and feeling we have to fill this “mold” and it can be so overwhelming.
For me personally I attack myself when it comes to my weight, I say things like ” I look fatter than women who had kids”, “This is awful I’m 32 and I look like this”. I work at it now as far as I work out and I made changes to my way of eating, trying to be more mindful. At the same time I have to remember I went through a lot in the last few years and as much as I wish I had the “I don’t eat” while depressed and or sad, I have the ” Let me eat and drink till I feel nothing”. I deserve grace to myself as do any of you struggling either now or in the past.
Perfect example; this week my PCOS and endometriosis is kicking my ass and I did not go to the gym and I was mad and then I said wow my body is finally regulated thanks to the changes I am making so if this one week my body is telling me take it easy, I have to be okay with that.
Most of my faithful readers know that I have been single for over 3 years at this point, I had “friends” but no relationship. I get in my moments when I sit and think ” What is wrong with me?” Some people get out of one relationship and find new love within the first 6-12 months. I also know I am not seeking out someone, I love my alone time but I do not want to get too comfortable with that, that I close myself off. There is a fine line once you have been hurt in a certain way, you become a skeptic ( or at least I have) when it comes to love and motive.
Being 32 I also am okay not being a mom, I’ve always said I was not sure if that was in the cards for me. I don’t know if its because I work with someone beautifully pregnant or my sister expecting her second, but I am like “hmmmm if I don’t what legacy do I leave behind?” Will I be the old spinster? I have this one name I came up with in 6th grade for a girl so I joked yesterday that will be my next pets name instead & I actually am serious so stay tuned for that!
What does being kind to yourself look like? Is it self care days? Saying no to something or someone? Is it reflecting on how far you’ve come and realizing you’re a badass?
For me it looks like all the above, and also surrounding myself with amazing souls and nothing less. If you no longer serve my energy, peace & spirit you are removed. Guess what? That’s okay and it is your right to protect yourself.
I love being the fun, spoiling aunt. I love being a fur mama to 3 babies. I love this life I’ve created down here and I will continue this ride of life with more love & positivity & gratitude.