Hey all!
I recently listened to another episode of the podcast “Date yourself instead” and it touched on something I avoided addressing for the past six months. A Situationship is “a romantic relationship that is and remains, undefined”. I knew in my last relationship it was not serving me fully, was I happy yes. Did I fall in love, yes. Was I a priority, no. Was I as important to them as they were to me, no. I allowed those things to be because this was my first real relationship since my marriage ended. I love, love so much that I would make excuses, I would say things like ” oh he is not ignoring me, he is just busy” or when I was told “Girls do not go to the club with the boys”,or ” you don’t need to meet all my friends” I was like ” oh okay makes sense”. NONE OF IT MADE SENSE AND NONE OF THESE ARE OKAY TO TOLERATE.
When you make someone a priority it is natural to expect them to do the same but the harsh reality is, if someone does not feel the same about you they will NEVER match your energy or put you in the same spot in their life as you put them in yours. In my case eventually we were “Defined” but then 26 days later we were broken up, and it sucked! I spent so much time, money, energy into this one person and I have NO regrets whatsoever but, it does sting when I look back and realize there was maybe 10% effort on the other end of this relationship.
Situationships are okay for some people and that is what I learned listening to this episode, if you don’t get emotionally connected when you sleep with someone or you are okay casually seeing this person and going with the flow then you can handle a situationship and more power to you!
I am not that person, I spent most days anxious especially if I did not hear from him for hours on end. I am simple, I like good morning texts, I like to not be ignored period, and I like open communication. I feel that is pretty bare minimum no? Some people are just not capable of being in a relationship and thats okay, it sucks for the “me” in the relationship but you cannot fault someone for being incapable of love and dedication.
In my case, in my heart I believe he wanted all the things I wanted and saw the future I did but he got in his own way and the worst part is he admitted it would happen way before it happened. He sabotages relationships on purpose and I thought I would be the exception. Update, I was not!
It took me a while to stop calling and texting and to be honest I felt like a fool, I was the one who ended it but I could not let go. I think deep down I hoped he would fight for me, for us but he didn’t because it is not what he wanted. He chose to not give me what I deserve ( his words) and his priorities did not include me. It took a while for me to sit with that, it took a while to stop with my questions, calls and texts. In the end, you cannot make someone love you, you cannot make someone want the things you want.
I will never settle, I need to be someones HELL YES, not someones ONE DAY or MAYBE. I know I can be at peace with myself knowing I did give my all, even when it was a “Situationship” I acted like a girlfriend ( maybe not smart) but that is just me. I give with my whole self, my whole heart. I am the definition of a hopeless romantic which is completely ironic considering my past relationship/marriage.
Sometimes I focus on the things that were said and done that made me feel like maybe he did feel a lot for me but then all the other things I made excuses for takes that away. This was my first relationship as an adult so to speak, I was with my ex since I was 17 years old. I was use to the high school relationship mentality, like the constant texts, the phone calls for 4-6 hours staying up all night just to be on the phone. Now I realize that is not possible as a couple in their 30s, we have full time jobs we have our own things going on. With that being said you are NEVER too busy to send a text, even one that says ” super busy work day babe I will text/call later”, to send a text it takes on average 2.5 seconds…there is 24 hours a day, if you are with someone who cannot take the 2.5 seconds to text you…THATS NOT OKAY! That is unacceptable. Now if it was just a “situationship” maybe that is acceptable but when your in a relationship with total commitment and only seeing each other it is not okay.
All this is say, do you! If you want to be in a non-committed relationship and you are okay with no labels and just having fun, awesome! If you need a commitment, and to be an actual couple, awesome! Do not bend your desires just to keep company, do not bend what you need and your worth just to have someone to sleep with, kiss, go on dates with.Be true to yourself, even if that means pulling the plug on something you had such high hopes for and someone you truly loved. I love my heart, I love my ability to love and my willingness to give my all.
I do not know what my future holds, I do know everything happens for a reason and one day I will be with who I am meant to be with, it could be someone from my past or it could be someone I haven’t met yet. Either way I will be okay and I will continue to work on myself and becoming the best me I can be!
Smiles 🙂
Colie
The Colie Chronicles 